aching conversation

Posted on November 26, 2016 by jaybeasley2
after the pain has been delivered
can you fight your way through and get out
have there been times that hurt so much it can
intensify he inner life of those who have never
needed to go there, have no idea what they are
getting into and what do you think it
could mean and who would even care
or who would even miss you if you
never came around to see anybody anymore
veins of ache branching out so far like
every person’s big family tree
rhythm to the escaping steps as if a rapid heart beat
stay as far as you can from those who used to know you
act in a way that can
take only what you want to project to the world
in your mind, soul, and heart
on the moment of existential happenings
nobody can bring you down except yourself
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suffer for speaking

Posted on November 26, 2016 by jaybeasley2
should never open my mouth again
unless to laugh at whatever it is you say
from now i see how you
freak out whenever i do the things that you also do
especially when they are flattering or misunderstood
rolling around in glass in my mind because i
finally gazed at myself through your eyes
only the wounds and kisses are showing anymore but
right in time for the ceation of new
scars which are so very well deserved
perhaps the fire will begin to flow or
even make a path to the ocean or out the window
across the street or across the country
keeping only the good times in mind
into the storm of all the past repurcussions
noticing it is time to gather all the puzzle pieces
going to find out your self portrait is not broken
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opening your wounds

Posted on November 25, 2016 by jaybeasley2
over the course of many an evening i see how you are
perhaps not getting the hint for a clue
ending up showing exactly what it needs to
not that you know what to look for anyway
if you want to keep someone you
need to know what signs to look for
get inside the desires and
you will find out exactly what you should be up to
overcoming the waves in the boat of your soul
unelss you have faith you cannot see
right dead in the eyes
when destiny leaves and charm has been buried
on the edge of a cliff and very blindfolded
unless i have been caged, i will not stay put
now we have switched places and i am facinated
do you remember all the things you said when you were drunk
should never be suprised again
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spiritual fire alarm

Posted on November 20, 2016 by jaybeasley2
sometimes you have to realize
playing with people who have no
inner passions is not what you were meant for
right now at this stage of your life
if you know what is missing and how it hurts then
take that knowledge and
use it to make a plan that will
allow you going forward to
love your life the way you always wanted to
fear would be left behind or saved for personal instinct moments
in case i should ever get to be free again
rediculous as the feelings projected at me are, occasionally
easy to forget everything on a long walk alone
as the sun goes down all the anguish leaves
like a brisk wind cleaning our streets in autumn
as you know, everything hurts more when you think about it too much
realize you know you could have a wonderful life if you
make the decision to just get out and live it
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pretending happiness

Posted on November 17, 2016 by jaybeasley2
pacing back and forth
reaching the point to spring from the cage
even the air feels different out there
tonight i will pretend that we are unstoppable
either by rushing around and getting stuff done or
nestling up on the couch to keep you happy and calm
during the wait i want to growl
into the night i wish to burst from this cell
needing to prowl and howl at the moon
get fire in the blood and
have the teeth all sharp for a midnight hunt
after these desires aroung home are satisfied
perhaps it is time to
play with the prey before getting around to the kill
item you value that reminds you of the fight inside
now carried with you everywhere you slink
easy to not come out of the conflict
slice my soul and roast my heart but
stronger is what it will make me
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permanent disorder

Posted on November 16, 2016 by jaybeasley2
placing my heart so
effortlessly and delicately in your hands
riddled with wounds but still beating strong
making the odds on just how long
all the wondering in your eyes will last
neat little glass shards are what
each of your fingers are made of and of course they
never held something that was already bleeding
tasty treat that you wait to devour
deep in your eyes rests the desire for more
it will not ever show its face in your words
sometimes you see how much more you take than you give
opening the door is just as scary as before
reaching for common conciousness like when you kicked ass
directly at the moon and hit it
everytime something like this happens i just smile
right when i kiss you, you leave scars
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inside, burning

Posted on November 14, 2016 by jaybeasley2
i am the many faces of your mate
nearly making you cry with the saddest stories or
sometimes the song that warms you up
if you need a smile i am your joking jester
dancing for you when you plead for entertainment
enering the kitchen as your private chef each night
buying you the ice cream you want now i know your favorite flavor
unless you need something killed which i would also do
really ready to take you out anywhere fun or just
nest on the couch when you want to just decompress
in case you need a hug i am always near
need a companion for any of your trials, dear?
got me right here
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yearly embraces arrive

Posted on November 13, 2016 by jaybeasley2
you have been so long in this area
even street names are practically memorized
after the sun goes down
red eyes open and are on the prowl
little hints will direct you where to go
yellow lights wonder if you know the way
empty rooms are all across the area where
many of our best times were had
but this is the year of change on a
rollercoaster of devotional exploration and
a lot of mental breakdown just when you
could not have needed it less
even the general health of your body is failing
for now is not the time to give up but rather
allow yourself time to collect endurance and
really power through to you next adventures
race down the mountain that you worked up
in the step by step proccess just like it began
very many people have been in a far worse place than this
even the tallest mountains are easier the way down
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forged in molded fire

Posted on November 12, 2016 by jaybeasley2
for the moment
only the moon gets to see my face
riding the waves the ground has become
getting the feeling of a hundred year yawn
every moment seems like slow motion
directions of the air movements keep changing
in these forest shadows the trees and pine
needles and leaves make thier own conversation
moss is the bed that i coldly chose
only the sound of the river was here with me all night
love overwhelming any worry that could occur
during the simple songs i sing myself
eager to make this brand new life i lead
doing things like this recharges me
from the fear and anxiety and abuse
included in different times, different ways, different
relationships which make thier mark on me
everything will be okay because i am here now
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love emergencies hide

Posted on November 8, 2016 by jaybeasley2
lights that begin to
open up all of my darkness emotionally
very slowly making every
evil desire fade like sinking into the ocean
extracting positive momentum from a
many sided worthless diamond
entering the sorrow that has not been resting
ridiculed so often that i do not recognize it anymore
gifts of rage or alone time are my presents to myself
empty out my mind
neediness is not what i want you to see in me
can i just make sure that
it is the best possible future i am working towards
even asking a close friend for help is like pulling teeth for me
shadows have always been more comfortable than light
hiding someplace is what i got used to
in time i will know what
day is the last test of what i should continue
every minute i am near you i want your love
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