unconventional heart

under the skin is another suit of armour waiting
not a single wound can effect anymore
coming so far from an average life
over years of not being loved or cared for
not that it was ever important to the
very people i most hoped to be close to
each time i think i am getting near what i want
near enough to feel it then it slowly slips away
torture is this burning fire deep in my heart
its worse when what i want stays just out of reach
offering myself up and being crushed on the rocks
needing no time at all to be reborn
across the air are fifteen words then
launch out the door and get free
have to keep in mind the value of
everything i have to do to protect my joys and motivation
after all,
right when i was at the end of my rope i learned
the true value of self preservation
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description storm

during the night a chosen path arrives
exits like these are lightning but silent
so fast i move along without thinking and even
clouds cannot beat me to where i am headed
roasting in a fire
i had lit inside myself
persued this game before rules were invented
turned from art to destruction and back again
interrupt the calm to get some distance done
notes from a song i wrote when i was young
sharing thoughts like i have never been ridiculed
torn between all the life choices
organizing the time like a tornado path
ready to
make myself yours
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lighten everything

letting loose for the evening
if i challenge myself then i
got to make sure i rise to the occasion
had enough time to think this through
though nothing can help if
every eve the same frustrations occur
normally things just have a way of working out
essentially the problems make minds constantly ready
vital to being healthy and happy is
ending the need to only see the bad side of life
rally around the hope of good fortune
you can wish for help or you can go get it
there are instances that can change your direction
having awareness enough to recognize them is
incredibly important
next time will be the quick turnaround
go to where i can get my mind right
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better tomorrows

by now things should
equalize to where we all can get along
there are walls and valleys between us all
trained to be nice but still trust no one
everybody exists in thier own little conundrum
rising up to meet the puzzle and not even
taking time to observe all those around and drowning
only the friendly or desperate take my calls
might be time to start once more
overlooking the reasons i am not pulling the ripcord
right this moment i pray not to put some blood on my sword
rain to remind me from where i came
other than my books in this room there is only bottles
water from the clouds like a lullaby
showing up late to beak the silence
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close judgements

can you see everything through my eyes
like a lens you try out
on your personal perception camera,
sight into an alternate point of view,
end the staring at a wall type situation
jump the gun and break
under the wall of that exact equation
daring and brave as a quickly placed final bet,
growing in the understanding of being social,
empty and testy are those who are not kind,
maybe if i had more fear i would be more normal
exit strategies not required once more,
nowhere is a choice tough now i don’t care what people think
terminate te hesitations
show yourself that you can do it
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if the crush comes down
you have to stay strong and
dig in your heels because
nobody knows what the final adventure is
until you are there and
by then it is very often far too late
after all
when you want to know the future
it still has ways of surprising you
but when you don’t want to see ahead
will be the time you wished you had and
the way of this dimension shows you how little we know
because no life is perfect and
no one departs without a show
yet when it is your time
it still comes across as kind of a shock
and the people who know you
cannot always predict how you are going to react
but the meaning of life is different for every person
also each day can show a totally new experience
if you know what to look out for
it is not that hard to face
each new speedbump or roadblock
once you look into the next few years
and see what you want
and then stomp that pedal
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broken existence

but eventually even the
rotten memories come back to me and
order the turning around of choices
keeping the view in the landscape of mind
endure when you are harsh to yourself
not a day goes by when you should ignore that
every person can help one person once a day
x-ray your mind to find where deeper wounds are
institute those muscles your soul needs flexed
stay in the zone which helps you most
to deal with your life and create a better future
evidence of your motivations travel with you
now fix those broken times with golden recollections
capture the mood once more
escape with your life
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