compassion reloaded

coming inside
once again it fels like i have been here
many times before and
purposefully chose to be right back
again without a conscious thought about it
slowing down just enough to
show myself why i made this exact set of choices
in my process of returning to where
originally i had never thought i could
nine times out of ten i
really would have talked myself out of this attempt
even if i wanted it as bad as i do but
like the moms always say “you do what you have to do”
okay then i will have to just toughen up even more
and make a more observant
decision than was done last time
entering every hour like a prince entering a throneroom
don’t know how long i’ve got so lets depart
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cooking discontent

capturing this mood is like
overly large amounts of cheese on nachos
or an empty ketchup bottle when there is hot fries,
king of a small farm
is better than president of an empty country,
needle in a haystack is how i would describe
getting lucky enough to find you again,
don’t want to know what life would be like
if i had not been so fortunate,
someday i can look back on this
current place i am at and see it differently like
our house if there was no furniture in it,
near my bed is the last gift from my mother
the chinese bowl that represents staying happy,
every time i look at it i remember her saying
nobody can stop you if you find what makes your heart sing
that is the best advice there is
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positioning problems

possibilities are all over the place
options for what to do with yourself
if given the chance to break out of your shell
skin real tough, but it never saw the sun
operating under a different frequency altogether
not hidden but someplace people go to hide
interstate energies all gathered in one spot
not being found untill being properly presented
getting to sleep after selecting where to go next
permanent question of where tomorrow leads
reminded of past downhill walks
or places that felt like people
because of how much you miss them or love them
like a little medicine you can’t get because of how sick you are
endure whatever you have to do so that
maybe you can see that sunset one more time before
slowly slipping away
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under the moon glow

up the tree
needing to just step off ground
down here is not where i want to
easily lay down some where
right at the perfect tallness to relax
the moon goes out to show its face
high at the bed of fluffy grey
encapsulated like a silver mirror
murky like fog covered mountains
operating at the most silent art of the night
off in the dark an animal hurries away
not looking for anything but a snack
got a few stars and planets winking down
like friends i don’t get to see enough
only want to see this light reflected in your eyes
wish we were here every night
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plastic personality

perfect as you think you are,
look around and see all those who
always focus on the facts and accurate timelines,
soothe yourself with your lies but
take time to see those eyes on your every move,
intend one thing but let another happen and they will
catch on to you and hound you and haunt
places and people you thought you were close to,
each time one of them changes and wants you away,
reach out to them and they disappear like a ghost,
some moments like that make you realize who is real,
over-correction won’t help this problem flooding your life,
names of faces are never remembered as well as lessons,
allow yourself to forget how much people hate you yet
light the flame that shines on your falsehood,
ignite a drive to get something done about
those problems you yourself have created,
your time is nearly up
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new collateral abuse

narrowly escaping the place that
eagerly ruins and eats the hearts of artists
wanting to actually effect something in this life
coming from the place where every event is an
occasion to actually feel really alive
letting the hair down and getting a chance to
learn to laugh, love, and live like
a roof you climb up on to watch the moon
these experiences can help to form you forever
even in severe weather i long to be
right next to you and ready for whatever may come
around the same time we get out
like a pet set free after years inside a cage or
almost more like a circus without even a ring
but when you jump off some cliffs there is no river to land in
under the skin a fire still rages
stealing the light to howl at the sky
each of us have to grab our own moment
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pre-concerned options

possibilities keep showing themselves and
repeating what was already known
emitting the very same selection of
choices that were apparent to begin this road
operating off the recognition of a deadly storm
not on the radar anywhere in this vicinity
coming from a location when
everybody knows to avoid that kind of area
relating to assumptions that are far from correct
needs that are common but wants that are dead
end up at this dead end on the wrong side of the tracks
dynamic tempest on top of a person
only gets their attention and distracts the spirit
permanent change is not always the choice though
these successfull ones compliment more than they critique
information is always seen through the lens of who said it
options are only available to those who believe
nobody wants to work any harder than they have to
show what is under the skin
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