unforgettable unsolvable

Posted on December 1, 2014 by jaybeasley2

the temptation had been
to flow into the next case as if
the previous one was not that
diversion which would have had
a single development of the
misleading type. not a derail of the
train, but definitely the one bit of
information that made the mystery
even more implausibly unforgettable.
a grief that could be almost
crippling was the unsolvable, the
spring that could have been almost
forgettable if not for that one lost
clue; not that it is a deal-breaker,
but it is the only time when a
helpful friend came in the form of
a bit of information instead of a blot
of blood or a speck of hair. he
loved that everything seemed so
clearly solvable, but the cause
was not always part of the mission.
the adventure was finding a
way around convention.

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apologies not required

Posted on November 29, 2014 by jaybeasley2

and I start down a familiar
prism of linearly closed colors
organized without separate willpower
like plants with flowers that don’t mix
on a decided thought-path the wants will
grow in strength and length like a
insistent chain link pattern of ideas
eventually it will open the door
so the next phase can bring it close
not always when you expect it to
organized hearts don’t detonate passionately
the way that a tumultuous connection does
reading into everything works the brain too hard
easily leading to incorrect assumptions
quietly just as important as quickly
useless pauses or unutilized shortcuts
if you want to make it really clear
right now not everyone gets to pass through the drawbridge
ending the pain by seeking pleasure
don’t remind me…

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song for you and yours

Posted on November 27, 2014 by jaybeasley2

place up
make up where you were
you aren’t only
not killing it
but you smash you hurt
and sometimes you demolish it
you don’t know you don’t win
you make me hate
myself for trying
you take it all in
you wake up you don’t try
you count one two three
you don’t need to deny
you tell the truth
you have no need to pacify
you are a flower
in the brightest nightnight…

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zen

Posted on November 26, 2014 by jaybeasley2

whomever comes through that door next
has a good little view into my room
and the cool breeze that
lives with me
but I am not going to move
I have found the decent spot to
rest my mind from all the turmoil
and I know I am not going to live through the
rest of my life
without remembering the dream I have been
torn up from the decent warm place for
and I have got to think
for a long time and very hard
as a thousand words come begging
for attention
I have been overcome by no sound
have you ever been somewhere that
the silence is everywhere?
the sound of my breathing is
almost as loud as the moving of my leg
across the fabric on its left and right
the perfect emptiness from sound
is here to welcome my solitude
to the kinds of thought
that can rupture my own despair
and show me the path to happiness
by putting me there
and becoming one with the peaceful nature
of existence,
now to put into practice
always remembering it.

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In the place we hide

Posted on November 25, 2014 by jaybeasley2

cut the fat off the conversation
and make a date of it
because we both know what is going on
and I have a way to say
looking for a way to explain to you
that I understand
you don’t want me to say I love you
because you have been hurt before
but we have all been and
I know that the idea
of someone being that for you
is scary too
being that we have got a lot to be scared of
but life is scary and the
depth of feeling that someone has
shouldn’t be that makes you see
the belief they have in the good things
yet are willing to risk everything
to ask someone to shut off that part of
themselves to let you off the hook
is not good but maybe it just helps you ease into the situation
instead of just letting someone
in your walls that you made to protect
yourself from getting too close too soon
but who could blame you with such big
scars on your heart
and I know how it feels and I have been there
yet if you want to take your time
in letting me inside your protective barriers
like I have let you inside mine
hopefully one day we can show each other
the healing spots on our souls
and the bruises on our heart chambers
while we get a bit closer
at the appropriate pace
because I can tell we are both
willing to try…

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on

Posted on November 24, 2014 by jaybeasley2

making a new position
to meet the day in
I have so missed you
and wanted to see you eyes open
to the blue outside your window
and every day is a classic film
made to wake up to
and jerk a tear right out of my system
the blaze of the sun is welcome
and once a unique beginning is upon us
I chased the terrors away
and waited for the coffee to kick
and then rushed out to begin the
arrangement of the helping
of all the people I can today
and I discovered that I knew
who exactly needed me, too
connected through the world
that makes up the needy and hurt
and I can do this and continue to
because I was there once
and I know how much it meant to me
to be there on the side of a close friend
or total stranger who was not going to admit
how much they needed assistance
and what it means to receive it

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hands

Posted on November 22, 2014 by jaybeasley2

when I get there
it wont be so easy,
I will have to let go
and not show how nervous I am
that I might be hit again
and I don’t want to fail
but success could be worse
if I have to run
and dodge to avoid the pain
and make sure I am not away from the freedom
I fought so hard to find
and I was not waiting
for anything but darkness
because then I can get along with the
actions and serious decisions
that I should get used to seeing
in my rearview mirror
and I know that I wish to stay here
but I am so not ready
to climb down
from the tree
that hides me
so my enemies will not observe
how insane I am
and use that against me
as I sink my teeth in
to the hurt from each insult
and even my significant other
scares me with meanness
when she is let down
by my actions

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ever

Posted on November 21, 2014 by jaybeasley2

I have to believe
that I can go on living
in this skin I received
with all the things that are wrong with me
all new places to see
and the people who come along with them
when you start over and don’t know where
you want to go
but I do have someone who
I wish to have with me on this ride
and I have a long song to two to give
and I answer questions worse than I ever did
but I can be strong and
make the grade after I am
coming back in from the cold
and even though I do things crazy
I am faithful and I am here for you if you need me
I have come a long way
and I have got a few hundred more days
but the feeling is not so bad
when you know you are experiencing
the best thing that you ever have
and I get to be near you
and have a cup of coffee or two
and if this is the last day
that I ever get to see the suns rays
at least I know
I am not going to get off the ground
until I have
made my peace…

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task

Posted on November 20, 2014 by jaybeasley2

there was more
into it than just the heat
that got you that day
I pushed some buttons
I walked ahead
or sometimes behind
but I didn’t mean
anything by it
and I will see
through all of this and the storm too
I will not let
you down and I can
break a problem to
build it all back up
and I can walk back the dog
and disappear
like a shadow at night
to keep in mind
the daily laughs
and the many hours
of candle burning
there are no more masks
if I was to be
this close
then I wish
to practice doing
things in motion
and even as I know
some moments will
be discovered with difficulty
some with pleasure
but every one
will be
truly
valued…

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river

Posted on November 17, 2014 by jaybeasley2

sometimes you have to be
wondering, where did
that thought come from?
the wishing for today,
the wondering what could be the only
path that leads
you away from so much pain?
the collection of memories are like a river
and we all flow down it
in a simple single set of
beliefs that we are
can cause a tidepool to
control you without
you even being aware of it
and I can’t say I will be
strong like this forever
and I know that I will miss you in the
days that make us apart
but the leaf that dropped
from a family tree
settled nicely on the tiniest
spider web of possibility
until it had come to the convergence of
moments in time and space
that would join all the threads together
and then it dropped
to the spot in that river
and flowed on its way
to the nexus point
and then the rest of the journey
was the same as it was for all of us,
not a choice as much as it was
a lot of options to enjoy
and all in due time…

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