days

Posted on October 27, 2014 by jaybeasley2

you have had everything
I could afford to give you
including my tears
and I would never, ever
have left you here alone
but now I am abandoned
a dog without a home
and nothing will be okay again
unless I find you, my friend
because my back is broken
under the strain of worry
and if you cannot be found
I will miss you
the rest of my days…

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broken portraits.

Posted on October 27, 2014 by jaybeasley2

She is active, calculating in photographic images.
I am less activated, outlining in cloudy impressions.
She becomes quick, trusting these video stills.
I become dull, misbelieving my busted camera.
She mistrusts her belief in her pictured observing, and there is faith in that self doubt.
I see not to distrust, yet I don’t assume from facts in broken portraits.
Questioning her revelations, she forgets why she asked herself.
Answering my revelations, I forget what the questions were.
When proof fails her, she doubts everything.
When proof fails me, I am correct again.
She continues fast and sharp, in her clarity.
I continue boring and less fast, in my fog.
She wants a plan, without desires or objectivity.
I wish my desires, with no plan that I can see.
She has new confusion in her understanding.
I have new understanding in my confusion.

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welcome to the world day

Posted on October 24, 2014 by jaybeasley2

as the night
came in to greet me
I shook a past year off
and I stood up and made a toast
to make the day clear
and I have seen a lot today
the seafood was incredible
even though I was far from the ocean
and there was a shadow falling
I had seen a thousand people downtown
in the city that keeps
a full mile underneath of it
I had a great day with a
few drinks in my body
and I have been around for many years
I do not have the words or the way
to thank all my friends and family
for the years of
being there
while I get a few more hours under my belt
and I remember the high school years
fun and trouble and snow and bonding camaraderie
I remember the college years
full of times I think of if I can recall them
and the past ten years
of becoming able and wise or at least better
if not better off
and the talents I have are being used
to make me happy
and the people in my life
I hoped and dreamed to have them in my existence as I got on
in years
and there doesn’t need to be cake or ice cream
for a birthday to fulfill wishes
and the night to be the best one ever
because I can relive, and enjoy
the whole last year
happily,
happily so

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glad

Posted on October 21, 2014 by jaybeasley2

not only am I here,
but I thought I would never be…
making the news real
possible as the future may be
who would change it for you
is a question that anyone can ponder
but few make an effort
and I have not made a long term anything
and love is defined differently
for each person of any type of and any experience but
when you want someone to care you want them to
love you how you wish to be
not how they want to be loving you and that is not even the worst problem
the biggest thing is the need
the need to have someone be there is
what causes people to make any sort of
long vine to begin growing
and wishing you were something or somewhere
you are not is like having a dream
and not ever remembering it
again
but even if we have
been through the same things in life
it is the positive dream that changes people
forever
not the doubt that would make you
not take that leap,
so where are you
on that road?

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done

Posted on October 17, 2014 by jaybeasley2

well,
if you don’t see this as
going anywhere, I have some news for you. I said
at the two year mark that a choice should be
made, but what I didn’t say was only after
three years do you get to have all of me.
It seemed like a little of an extreme reaction, but
I know now more than ever before that it is a good
way to be, because I was so close to putting a
down payment to live, and you
were about as able to see that as I could
see that you had someone else to chillax with
more than me. but the full arc of spoiled
is being shown that you are not as
important as someone or something else
and then finding out the hard way that you were
right; morals were never as important to you
unless they are stomped on, or as big of a
deal to me unless they are walked all
over by you, but if I had you near and you did care
enough to not be quite as mean or high
of a standard of desire then I guess I should
have seen you coming across as the owned
piece of ass you were. Don’t tell
me to keep on caring if
you got nothing better to do than
be another person’s
old reliable…

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this page is empty

Posted on October 16, 2014 by jaybeasley2

then if you move over
I would really like to
sit right there with your legs on my lap
while the sound blows in
the window and rain curls the notes
of a song the sky makes
completion of an idea that
springs forth from the appearance
of a look on your face
that shows me you don’t just want
me here you also want me close
and like all the good things
it starts with an inspiration in a thought
swirling and takes shape when a plan unfolds
we could be here this comfy
years in the future
if I am
really telling you now
correctly sharing my words
cracking open my communication is a difficult pistachio
when I see you I hope for understanding
my face reflected in your eyes says
please
lets
stay
close
always…

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should’ve could’ve

Posted on October 15, 2014 by jaybeasley2

make a move.
show me.
you didn’t really want any closeness or you
would’ve tried to discuss a problem or even
talk about a solution
or at the very least put some
effort but I could’ve shown you more and tried
harder if I thought you wanted it to last instead
of my money and my time when it was
convenient, you weren’t exactly the
kind to let that go, in the future I know we
would have been better but for that to
happen you needed to get over yourself a bit
more often; just like I know I should’ve
done so much more to improve my need
to be supported in my endeavors or to have
help at putting forth a few places, you could’ve
been at least giving me a little assistance
when it came to many commercial applications
of my work, but what mattered to you was
having your ideal amount of food in the fridge (none)
and your perfect amount of attention (lots)
and your right amount of conversation (none) and your
good amount of money spent on you (lots)
but now you get less of
any of me, because you were a
player’s player who said
goodbye
to a devoted soul
who was unappreciated…

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untitled

Posted on October 14, 2014 by jaybeasley2

how could you
let yourself just fall
to pieces like this?
you did not even try to
keep it exciting there at the end
you just let
those tires squeal
at the brick wall
’cause it seemed so good
at the time,
and now you get challenged
about all the mucking around
and it is far too late
unless you change the past
or drop everything
and run for it
which is probably a pretty good idea
or at least an improvement

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far

Posted on October 13, 2014 by jaybeasley2

to work that hard
that fast
is pretty impressive
so is being that deceptive about being that lazy
it is a silly scene
like a movie where a villain plots something
and tells how it is all a part of the master plan
but it could still be
a good day out there
a good day to get out
so many times I have felt the same way
it is lost like the
toy of a dog
would you get a bit of time
exploring this moment
is the only desire
far far from any light or watchful eye

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hm

Posted on October 13, 2014 by jaybeasley2

making a desk
putting my works out
the paintings of course for inspiration
the pen and paper because now
is the time I make you
see my way and make
a coming together of perfect energies happen
and I cannot think
of anyone but you
and I cannot leave
your side without waiting to
immediately return
and I have never been
wishing for
something to work out more
and I know
the bbq ribs are sticky on your fingers
the wine, as always, was sweet
and your hands taking off my sport coat
was sweeter
but I saw the moon
and I saw you staring at me
from the corner of my eye
and you confessed to this want
for warm loving kisses
no matter how dirty
our lips were
we drank a few cookie ice creams
and sang a little tune
and then I wished we were at home having the only
moment of peace today be4 passing out
and you said
lets do this same thing tomorrow
well…
yes

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