waking up crying

Posted on February 5, 2015 by jaybeasley2

pouring out all of last night’s
lasting thoughts I connected
effortless stretches of knowledge
across the aisle from sad eyes
some places we have visited together
every minute without you here
drowns my willpower quickly and quietly
over my shoulder I can feel
nasty looks and petty emergencies
only nobody can keep me away from you
this is the time I have been anticipating
cut through all the bad you don’t want
herein lies the problem of
evidence that objections are not
arguable in this brick wall quiet room
tangible discussions about
our protectiveness of both friends and enemies
now being worse than ever but
my soul is yours to covet, my dear,
each adventure perfect with your hand in mine

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fear and anger

Posted on February 4, 2015 by jaybeasley2

I have done plenty of things
to deserve this kind of pain, but
this time, it isn’t me. I cannot
force anyone to take care of themselves
and I know I do not belong to you.
are there more than a few undercover
reasons for us to be gradually more
angry, like speaking tongues or missing
the ocean. even if something doesn’t go
anywhere, you can miss it. or even if
you haven’t been somewhere, you can fear
and resent it, like a hospital room or an
orange electroshock therapy couch. some of
your mind will keep on watching the death
of kindness, and will not even know it
was leaving in the first place. yellow sunlight
and blue skies will seem like torture after
this, lifted from the pages of a myth, a
boiling pot of oil, a well-stoked fire, and
the pain I have come to deserve. you
have no patience to explain to those
that don’t ‘get it’ and I never seem to
want to waste those words. eventually these
woes have become friends, and bond the
days we cant get out of. extract and
remove what you can’t get a smile out of.

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yours

Posted on February 3, 2015 by jaybeasley2

When there was a time for these
things we designate as worthy and that
Time is now. To prepare would’ve made it
Seem like what has happened was what we
Saw coming. I checked, there was no past
If this land had seen us coming. How can it
Be cryptic if it is the truth. Nothingness was calling
And we disappeared. Weren’t we the best we
Could be, if the worst times are right here.
I get more out of these little speeches to
Myself when I talk in a roughly translated way.
Parents train you to not speak your mind,
And teachers love them for it. But I will now
Be honest, and brutal, because I have had
Enough. I cannot see into the future, but
I know what I want. It is the best,
For me, for us. Putting up boundaries is painful,
But I have found my way out once again,
Life is only important if you act like you
Want to live it. Treating others well is a
Challenge but doing the same for yourself
Shouldn’t be. Trust me, I know. It only took
One day of heat and a night full of kitten
mewling, and all of us, and the house
Made five total. One protecting, one
Defending, one criticizing, one babbling,
And me silent at the center of it all.
Lovely singing and a waterfall sound, inside
My mind is peacefull tonight.

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same

Posted on February 2, 2015 by jaybeasley2

Today was like tonight
Full of yours and Mine
Ups and downs
Rights and wrongs
And all then none of it when it really counted
A spasm of fury
A third hour that brought about
Every thing I notice makes sense
In the reasons it is a symbol
The penny on my car floor
The yells from a neighbor
A dog barking down by the lake
A moon covered up in shadow
And there was a game today
Wasn’t there?

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hope

Posted on January 31, 2015 by jaybeasley2

To be consumed
By some separate time
Or a very desperate idea
On a volume of times apart
And what was gotten out of it
Could out be that the water
Passing in front of the moon tonight
It’s the secret time you dream into
While the minutes
Of stillness pass
Any other time you are as close as this
I have a good golden feeling
To carry across this abyss
Onto a dark curtain of next days regret
And as I make an orange drink drop
Down my throat as a
Matching color sunsets around
The last place we talked
And I need you that much more

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song time

Posted on January 30, 2015 by jaybeasley2

I could not stay away
And I found a minute
That made a chance, a change,
Never mind where I was
And don’t avoid the question
I have made you see
If ever again I see the way
That nobody avoids the scene
When you leave
I will go far away
And be made to grace the sky
While we fight for a moment
Alone and I don’t know
If I can tell you if I
Wish we could be close
Now and forever
And always too…

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to

Posted on January 27, 2015 by jaybeasley2

to fly on clouds like you
to flaunt every move
to awake with a desire for more
to stay on the edge of a blade
to comb the mind for a word
to feel fully left behind
to place your toe on the ice
to quake in fear once a day
to get, not own, a fire that I love
to phrase the energies correctly
to creep down the road on foot
to flame the depths when you should stop
to sleep or not to sleep
to decoy a waiting prey
to claim that you forgot to…to, to,
to seek the person you were meant here for
to decompress…

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is it?

Posted on January 26, 2015 by jaybeasley2

such a force
but such a by way yeah
and we fell the same path out
of a few more madness’s fell and
don’t you
get out
the times I happened to make out the
washing rain and mellow fall
you have gone on our afterlife of
misty clouds and cold hindsight
I hope you had a good time when you went out and took a time off
how many days off do you want
and can you keep track of a good
night off if you really black out
and don’t remember
the actions of the entire night prior
to this?
that is the kind of stuff that makes all of
our past easily explainable
even if I do not want to except it
and who would want to?
ending the last night out is the way that we
had not planned it all along
so why would we start now
because the stars want me out there
more than you want me in here…

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one two

Posted on January 25, 2015 by jaybeasley2

to retire to the scene
of a many people bundled up
and in a place to make way
far to escape the daily hurry
and then drowning the pain
after I enter and make a path
through the same circles and squares
between chairs and loud talks
of turbulence anchored in arched
doorways and brick walls with
drinks all tying them together
but as I see you and ease my way through
I can set that smile on your face
shine across the table
as I slide up and saddle a seat
we are snickering and laughing with talk
all through the night
across an airy autumns end
and make it back to
the car on our way
to a sleepy movie-dark
living room to
find a flat-out pass-out session
under shining candlelight …

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untitled

Posted on January 24, 2015 by jaybeasley2

as you sleep I can
always tell about that moment
that you start to dream
an into the next passage
as a way to see across
the clouds and glowing sunbeam heat
to where the warm has gone into a day
a catnap, a moment, an all night snooze
that was so easy to relax in,
a prior state of no moon
for the dark when you close your eyes
and the grasp on that time
the chance to curl up and
your peacefulness grows
and you know too much smile glimmers
in the soft light from a
string of Chrysanthemums Christmas lights
stuffed into a fireplace and making
the scene of a few fairies and fireflies;
when morning comes
your feistiness and
lightning electric filled eyes
rise up slowly…

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