jaybeasley2

making a portrait
of this exact moment
its a cold night outside and I am
no longer going to stay in
it will be a long and unforgiving walk
before I feel like we will be
able to talk and I want to meet up
but you have such a short time with me before
I have to go and catch the
edge of the storm head on, because you see
how dark the sky is getting and I return
to my warm only once I have crushed the
opposition and mentioned the word that can
keep the hope alive, it is only a few hundred
minutes we have left until the final hug and
the last kiss but I will put every bit of
effort into the chance to be here again
yet I made up my mind and have given myself
no choice but to go silently into the
evening in order to prepare for
the hurtful action and brutal dedication
that comes along
in a battle like this…
————-

As the sound comes sifting in
Through the blue morning light
And these days things keep changing
Yet somehow stay the same
The trees lost their leaf
While the cold crawled in
Each day I miss a friend
And the paint helps me
Begin again
Across the sky
Clouds still crying by
After the end of a year
We know what we hold dear
Buildings and the ability to
Forget where we went
You are the companion
I want to see
Over and over
Once again
Once again

Gifts that are in your mind and
Really never delivered are
Every bit as common as the air we breathe
Each day filled with romantic gestures
Needless thanks and grateful small words
Placing a candle in a lamp on a table
Inside the tree is a bright red ribbon
Nothing can remove the smile in my mind
Ending the night in the glow between branches
Talking care of something that cares for you
Right when you need to be cheered up
Effortlessly climbing into
Exit signs of a broad evening sky
—-

Volume of sound that can
Only be heard in the quietest of nights
In this case it was only as if
Closing the door and when reopened it
Evoked a whole new place to exist
So different it even felt alien
Reminded of the last day before relocating
Ears that feel like they do not work because
Country sounds that have all faded to nothing
Only be heard in the darkest of midnight
Riddles in the things you do not hear
Doing little tricks on your mind all the time
Equally spooked by silence and sudden noise
Daring to be the first one

   --------

whomever comes through that door next
has a good little view into my room
and the cool breeze that
lives with me
but I am not going to move
I have found the decent spot to
rest my mind from all the turmoil
and I know I am not going to live through the
rest of my life
without remembering the dream I have been
torn up from the decent warm place for
and I have got to think
for a long time and very hard
as a thousand words come begging
for attention
I have been overcome by no sound
have you ever been somewhere that
the silence is everywhere?
the sound of my breathing is
almost as loud as the moving of my leg
across the fabric on its left and right
the perfect emptiness from sound
is here to welcome my solitude
to the kinds of thought
that can rupture my own despair
and show me the path to happiness
by putting me there
and becoming one with the peaceful nature
of existence,
now to put into practice
always remembering it.

                                                            -------

after the pain has been delivered
can you fight your way through and get out
have there been times that hurt so much it can
intensify the inner life of those who have never
needed to go there, have no idea what they are
getting into and what do you think it
could mean and who would even care
or who would even miss you if you
never came around to see anybody anymore
veins of ache branching out so far like
every person’s big family tree
rhythm to escaping steps as if a rapid heart beat
stay as far as you can from those who used to know you
act in a way that can
take only what you want to project to the world
in your mind, soul, and heart
on the moment of existential happenings
nobody can bring you down except yourself

       ---