tough

making the path up again
showing how happy you were
at leaving
but not happy at leaving your friend behind
and as if you had to sleep
even though that doesn’t happen very often anyway
you were there for her and now
where is she?
off on another tangent of her life
and getting done exactly less than the entire world
could cure with just a smile
but you were in her life for a while and now
when you move on you have
more questions than can be answered
unless you don’t see it through the fog
of your brain
and clear up enough to thank
those who were there when you wanted it
but I guess you are on
your own way
obsessed with your life
instead of caring about if
they still ponder you
occasionally

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the empaty sees

made up of  tiny portions

of the growls you have been giving

I glance side to side while

hungering for your aggressive claws

pouring out the teeth

and sending them out to get a meal

and I have to ignore the old

pictures of someone else’s

family with wood frames and a layer of dust

but you were there

when the watchful orb came

across your skin and bones

warning was in your eyes

and I saw you look around

as if to find a way to escape again

you cant know how you found me

and I have to bite back

yet I will slow down enough to let

you see the fire on my face

and you know

just as well as I do

there is a succubus

in every church

and in every hellhole

a saint

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29th

you couldn’t have

seen through my eyes, but

if you had that ability you would observe

the thirteen bears

juggling a sofa on a rollercoaster

that was the life I lead

the attitude was fierce on a

backseat fire

these waiting room impatience brigades

were no longer as funny

as the children piloting them

and patience had opened a vein

before the first cup of coffee

but the border was watched as

close as a river wanting to flood

answering the question while

slowly cleaning under your fingernails

because I saw your

smile behind the barking dog

that reminded me to get up

get out there and accomplish

 

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pace

I saw you

like a laminated letter, the

message was there but the

text was not clear, a mess of the ink

becoming lost in the meaning but

not a single word made clearer

in the ways that a person can see,

sometimes deep within a brain a

person can make more work than

could ever be accomplished by

the hands, you new I was here, here

for you even though you didn’t

know how much it was true, it

just took all your energy to keep on

getting up in the morning and now that

you were having a better job in the

evening a whole different world had

opened up its arms for you, and if

you knew when the champion of late

moon sparkle had planned to be here

then you would have acted differently,

but now it is just the final flow of an

overworked crew, ranch hands and

waitresses and bartenders and cooks,

with nothing better to do than collect

together, like leafs in a rain gutter,

and they wouldn’t believe the magic

if it walked up and asked for

the time

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downton

while

the

sky

drips

and

a

long

walk

goes

on

nothing

is

as

it

seems

to

be

feeling

like

a

desperate

distant

signal

sent

into

the

ocean

for

the

only

one

out

in

these disturbing depths

these devouring demons

these deceptive delisions

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two days

where I was is where

the candle was yet

you pretended to miss two of

the things you couldn’t even

use for what you wanted

when you had the chance

so why pretend to want and

wish for it now that the

wind will have different

directions before your tears

even hit your feet and I

should know I have been there

it is why I needed to tell

you it is where the flame is…

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her glazed eyes

spray my vacant communication

and lift the ban in your

displayed hometown

waste no time buying some

of that same delusion

place, play, and display

those desires

are always difficult to

resist and are risky

do you even have the

ability to respond

like you want to

do you know that? 

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getting there

you waited to rip open

and swallow my soul

eating love whole

until you are full and not

nearly as proud as

you wasted and were in

front of that crowd

driven crazy or dying

to get away from it all

graves seem cheerful

playing is every moment

offensive seems natural

numbers are just alien

take your pick make your

choice take this message

don’t act like you

don’t wanna be gone

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flesh please

when we waited,

ours is an agreement

that’s breaking hurt,

like a reverse bear trap,

or an opened mind

by the stroke of midnight,

but I was there when you

said you didn’t know

yet you came and saw angry

words every minute, or

as much as the bad was before

whenever these attentions

were not the focused day,

can I document this hell

of my own misunderstandings

that I bleedingly  need to

deal with, just get

really fucking ready

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freed

everyday

repentant and disgusting

you give up hope

in a way that’s so

rewardingly profound

I wasn’t the schedule

that you found

it was competent the way

our family trees assembled

yours was the famous

old joke that no made up

scorned bar second place

could show up

some wayward orphan flew

into the lives after a mother and son

but the tales followed as did the sun

a dawn that let to painful reunions

when this night bit down

we read out our cards

let the chips fall and

chewed our

revealing indescribable

petty meaningful friend-losing unremember-able  

and twitchy bottom lip

and ended it

 

 

 

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