jaybeasley2

pacing back and forth
my sanity crashes into the egg
that is my mind
my insides are like jello
I have become numbly dumb
have I truly crossed over that
imaginary line?
mad or not I am myself
wandering eyes seek to stomp on me
I feel as if I cannot continue
but I still hold on
no more terror; I will not feed on this moment
only for a moment I am at ease
my mind will not stop
but if it did what would that do
to me?
for death is already knocking
I am not afraid of perishing
but quietness is perhaps what I fear most
when I am gone the nothingness
will have my words on it
as it finally consumes me

true
the earth lifts up
each day and each second
passes by like a
thunderclap of experience
and all is well yet
the previous moments lost
are a dreary and precious
and deep complication of the
knotted times,
compared to now.
now is a vine
long and finite and flowering
in the jungle of green
luscious touch and only one
constant of a growing
togetherness that is a
lightning kiss that neither one of us
could possibly have
been better off without;
a foggy
stormy root that has grasped
a growth that improves and
strengthens, as its petals and
nectar do.

don’t lose track
of the rhythm
we have our own pace
and don’t black out
or take anything
unless it is good soup offered
by a cozy house
on a day you were
followed by every dark cloud in town
but I kept my head up
even though we
have to give it our best shot
to make it to the dark
before a hot bath
and a cold beer
make every star seem right outside
your window
and clear as a bell
and hidden in the corner
is a pretty happy future
like a dog snoring away

you can’t pretend anymore
on a level shelf is where
your new confidence is stored
becoming a legacy in a new land
like a duke who had it rough
when the king turned his back
or the last hourglass sand
obsessed with what you now love
her pointed teeth on the attack
where is your hold word
even though you weren’t there
I think maybe you were
still heard
my name still echoing with all
the places I spent time
how good it was in this life
that I got everything before the fall
when it was not
as bad a year as it could have been
pick up the line if you have got
the nerve and call
while it still means something
to your life and mine
protect yourself
then the hooks come out
it could be worse
I have a chance
I have a change

doesn’t it seem odd to you where we are?
almost enough miles away that
right now it does not hurt like a bastard
keeping a distance from the pain for now
even a walk in the pain won’t cheer me up
still hearing the ocean lived so long away from
this time I will miss it when I leave, if I leave
purple-red sunsets of unapproved-of passion flowers
in a ritual of forever and forgetfulness and
times of stolen touches yet rekindling heat, is it that
organisms can actually bond in this way
framed in a pair of not-so-innocent eyes and
young skin is sinking into the bathroom floor,
our lives may seem longer than they really are
until the morning devil comes in our lives again
right now we are caught up in the once more,
so where did you disappear off to? it is not
our brains that separate us, yet here we are,
using the telephone for its close contact
like sliding down my back your sultry voice
into a steaming tub with your hello waiting
nice and comfortable as your embrace is
the hug after and accident or a kissed bruised heart
however I am wishing for your call to escape this night,
evidently I am not near enough to be occupied because
reasons to miss you, the song playing, my food, my constant
anger at myself for screwing up so bad to
instantly be relieved would be so cutting and easy
now I need to hear your voice