jaybeasley2

it was created for you, dear.
when you weren’t looking, piled right up.
inside your mind, you knew.
these days a lot seems to
sneak around you, even
when you are looking.
it could
even attempt to tell your tale,
to get right the story.
but that would just cause
assumptions and regrets,
yet not done correctly, of course.
maybe
pick an image,
a symbol, a picture
to convey and say everything.
but, what can say all of that?
put into words,
it wouldn’t have the real deal, unless these
could be recorded, because the mood
is temporal and transitional.
late night conversation like that is
instant history, set in time.
hmmmm.
nobody even ever introduced you
to your dark side, did they?

I have got it in
my brain to ask
the question that
has been burning its way out
and into your
hesitant conversation
when I remember our
pieces of a week
I have to laugh
because we are ridiculous
and silly
and we scrape together enough
to go out for some shots
all I hoped for
was that you would let me
snuggle up with you
on the couch
and pick a new
place to discover
this summer

you don’t know that I am happy in my bitterness
which only makes sense
but I have had enough of this.
I would be
glad to stop doing so many things if I thought you
could sacrifice for me.
but you cannot.
I know this
and I am sorry, but stop.
I cannot say how
much you are not a foreign person, but
trying just shows that I miss me.
and that is no good
because I could sit down and dedicate hours and hours to the
things I need to do, and still have not even
touched the things I want to do.
procrastination is sad.
but the sadness that drives us is worse
and to be frozen by self doubt is not fun or funny;
I could just wreck a few minutes by being angry
or I could move on to something more productive,
and let go.
I cannot be
a faceless stranger to myself anymore
and I can’t back down now.
time is a very important thing,
if you have honor and purpose
I can only get so far
before I must face the idea that as long as I have not
accomplished as much as my mind wants
so now then I can no longer avoid facing that desire
being forced to face the fact that all I
have now is my own self to blame and get on with it
before rebuilding is just a washed up horrible name for
no good news left.

shattered and rearranged
our time has come
and all the memories past
like the rain that vanished
after you had your way
you played in the pool
we halted after
the cake and beer
and we made up a
story about those
who had not been able to make it
answering our own questions
and tempting fate
I asked for the peace
that only sleep will bring
and I hoped
to be bringing you
a Christmas present
for our house

You told

You told me how you felt

And the red

Roses shed their petals

The tears of blood on eye of love

Comes to shed when times are rough

A taste of my low moments

Have come to visit me again

And I am so surprised that

You ever wanted to give me a chance in the first palce

Because you saw who I was

And where I was from

The only thing that

I saw in you was

Hope

And, but

Why I can’t feel cold today

And there is absolutely

Enough warmth around here

But the little meows keep up

And I can feel the soreness from here

The unhappy ache comes through the air

But that vibrant pain will go away

And I will still be here

Each step closer to where you were before

There is a wind causing the trees to creak

Once in a while some branches fall

But my hand has yours still on it

And we may get back power

But I see patterns out there when the

Pine needles fall, sit, and move again

Each sound and movement a

Green design that signals a thought

Of looks into the dark and ponders

What to say instead of speaking

And there is no clock to wonder with

But you will always be

The red hot fire inspiring me

the field is there to wean these days with no stamina
to reach the top go every day
in order to keep an even keel, try harder
watch the eyes, keen eyes
there is no need for a real word
or a conversation you can understand
can you process what I am saying
or can you offer me a better deal
than hot brains like you have
and why are you even alive anymore
or using this crap to live
mirror them in the mind and in the way
that they act when you talk to them
reaction time counts when you make a pact
feels like you’ve been here
a long time and want to be but
don’t forget where you came from
wake early sleep early and
race to the angry moment of another
accomplished dream yet pay
for every single dime of attention
face every single one of your fears
play every single game you know of
greater places that get you far
like the one chance I always needed to have
or a sunset red with your amazing style and smile
shimmering off the snow that is our joined minds

a moon sits in
the confusion and Hysteria and sighs
and she sits alone.
the electric light buzzes and blurs
yet none of this blanket warms
and he sits alone.
the friends in one wooden room but
a cold wind shakes the door to her room
and she sits alone.
a little mess has turned into
one big clean up job to distract him from knowing
he sits alone.
the phone will not ring tonight
and there is no plan for when to begin sleeping
and she sits alone.
there are many ways to bum out the fuel
that keeps the brain chugging along painfully
and he sits alone.
this heartbreaking whirlwind of emotion
that takes control at the perfect song beginning
and yet she sits alone.
in these few momentous seconds in a place
where a blade or gun isn’t attractive
an yet he sits alone.
but
then
planets line up, the loudness softens,
the earthquake stops, they hold their breath,
so
then
they sit together