she said…

you don’t know that I am happy in my bitterness
which only makes sense
but I have had enough of this.
I would be
glad to stop doing so many things if I thought you
could sacrifice for me.
but you cannot.
I know this
and I am sorry, but stop.
I cannot say how
much you are not a foreign person, but
trying just shows that I miss me.
and that is no good
because I could sit down and dedicate hours and hours to the
things I need to do, and still have not even
touched the things I want to do.
procrastination is sad.
but the sadness that drives us is worse
and to be frozen by self doubt is not fun or funny;
I could just wreck a few minutes by being angry
or I could move on to something more productive,
and let go.
I cannot be
a faceless stranger to myself anymore
and I can’t back down now.
time is a very important thing,
if you have honor and purpose
I can only get so far
before I must face the idea that as long as I have not
accomplished as much as my mind wants
so now then I can no longer avoid facing that desire
being forced to face the fact that all I
have now is my own self to blame and get on with it
before rebuilding is just a washed up horrible name for
no good news left.


About jaybeasley2

a writer, a painter, a poet, a wordsmith
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