on

Posted on November 24, 2014 by jaybeasley2

making a new position
to meet the day in
I have so missed you
and wanted to see you eyes open
to the blue outside your window
and every day is a classic film
made to wake up to
and jerk a tear right out of my system
the blaze of the sun is welcome
and once a unique beginning is upon us
I chased the terrors away
and waited for the coffee to kick
and then rushed out to begin the
arrangement of the helping
of all the people I can today
and I discovered that I knew
who exactly needed me, too
connected through the world
that makes up the needy and hurt
and I can do this and continue to
because I was there once
and I know how much it meant to me
to be there on the side of a close friend
or total stranger who was not going to admit
how much they needed assistance
and what it means to receive it

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hands

Posted on November 22, 2014 by jaybeasley2

when I get there
it wont be so easy,
I will have to let go
and not show how nervous I am
that I might be hit again
and I don’t want to fail
but success could be worse
if I have to run
and dodge to avoid the pain
and make sure I am not away from the freedom
I fought so hard to find
and I was not waiting
for anything but darkness
because then I can get along with the
actions and serious decisions
that I should get used to seeing
in my rearview mirror
and I know that I wish to stay here
but I am so not ready
to climb down
from the tree
that hides me
so my enemies will not observe
how insane I am
and use that against me
as I sink my teeth in
to the hurt from each insult
and even my significant other
scares me with meanness
when she is let down
by my actions

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ever

Posted on November 21, 2014 by jaybeasley2

I have to believe
that I can go on living
in this skin I received
with all the things that are wrong with me
all new places to see
and the people who come along with them
when you start over and don’t know where
you want to go
but I do have someone who
I wish to have with me on this ride
and I have a long song to two to give
and I answer questions worse than I ever did
but I can be strong and
make the grade after I am
coming back in from the cold
and even though I do things crazy
I am faithful and I am here for you if you need me
I have come a long way
and I have got a few hundred more days
but the feeling is not so bad
when you know you are experiencing
the best thing that you ever have
and I get to be near you
and have a cup of coffee or two
and if this is the last day
that I ever get to see the suns rays
at least I know
I am not going to get off the ground
until I have
made my peace…

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task

Posted on November 20, 2014 by jaybeasley2

there was more
into it than just the heat
that got you that day
I pushed some buttons
I walked ahead
or sometimes behind
but I didn’t mean
anything by it
and I will see
through all of this and the storm too
I will not let
you down and I can
break a problem to
build it all back up
and I can walk back the dog
and disappear
like a shadow at night
to keep in mind
the daily laughs
and the many hours
of candle burning
there are no more masks
if I was to be
this close
then I wish
to practice doing
things in motion
and even as I know
some moments will
be discovered with difficulty
some with pleasure
but every one
will be
truly
valued…

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river

Posted on November 17, 2014 by jaybeasley2

sometimes you have to be
wondering, where did
that thought come from?
the wishing for today,
the wondering what could be the only
path that leads
you away from so much pain?
the collection of memories are like a river
and we all flow down it
in a simple single set of
beliefs that we are
can cause a tidepool to
control you without
you even being aware of it
and I can’t say I will be
strong like this forever
and I know that I will miss you in the
days that make us apart
but the leaf that dropped
from a family tree
settled nicely on the tiniest
spider web of possibility
until it had come to the convergence of
moments in time and space
that would join all the threads together
and then it dropped
to the spot in that river
and flowed on its way
to the nexus point
and then the rest of the journey
was the same as it was for all of us,
not a choice as much as it was
a lot of options to enjoy
and all in due time…

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chill

Posted on November 14, 2014 by jaybeasley2

the next time
it happens you said to be alerted
that next time is now
and you have got to see
this moon through the trees
it is the scene in
every horror flick
the kind of cold
you know the way
a shiver that
hunts you down
and tell the skin to
watch its back
and the fire can’t be
hot enough
and the torch has been passed
to the next one
in line
my sister will not get over the loss
of my mother
but I was here for the
months of pain
and to see the hurt go away
was what I could wish
for a woman who did so much
and the cold trees
missing their leaves
wave goodbye to me
as I go home
to the warm hands
and soft smile that
I need now
so much…

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hymn

Posted on November 14, 2014 by jaybeasley2

why miss a heart
why write a song
why hope for repeat
why wait for months
why don’t you talk
why is it so hard
why wont you see
why are we apart
I love you mom
have grace in the next world
and I miss you
say I love you to grandmom for me
and know that for yourself
and I will see you
when I see you…

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this morn

Posted on November 11, 2014 by jaybeasley2

getting up in the morning
its a grey day what can I say
no surprise there
but it was the feel of a certain weight
and I can’t see the sun but life goes on
and I am getting
my mind ready for the
several business appointments I have
today at the office
but I strap on my boots
and the weight feels larger
and the I am grabbing my officework
and putting on my coat
I know that a huge feeling is whispering in the wings
I see a Christmas tree
all covered in white
and portrayed by a fish and a dog underneath
and there are blowing flakes
crouching up and around my feet
I shiver smiling as my door opens
and the news of the world
speaks from the shudder of a pine
and I am so not ready
but I don’t realize it
because I receive a message
about a priest by my mother’s bedside
and at that exact moment
my car decides not to start
and the soldiers, like my father, who are no longer here
all crashing in my mind
like I have not even been able to breathe before
and this convergence
tears down my walls
and I rest my head against the steering wheel
but I do not
acknowledge anything
except the hurt and pain and loss
I have been suffocating down
under shield of pretending to be strong
but this day, this time
I will let it all arrive
because even the boundless strength I have
will show the cracks in the ice
as I cannot refuse this,
an ache and grief I accept,
a gift all my own…

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together

Posted on November 10, 2014 by jaybeasley2

only then
making it up so long
so hard to come up with
a different scenario
because you don’t want to know
what the future brings
and don’t even guess
what could scare you or hold you down
and I have only got
a few months left
unless the world begins turning the other way
and I saw you coming
but didn’t notice you open the door
and I needed you to
tell me more
but first I had to learn how to talk to you
and there were a few hidden obstacles
that the environment cut away
and a few thousand words
for me to hear from other people
before there was a realization
that all the other people I had been with
were so much more selfish
and judgmental compared to you
but what could I do
but learn
better and faster
how not to give up…

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landing

Posted on November 10, 2014 by jaybeasley2

placed above the sea
on the connection of a day
that swiftly turned into night
beneath the moon of full light
made up beneath a land
that doesn’t know
what the others are doing
and don’t argue unless you are
the well-informed
questions that cannot go away
are being answered by our blood
and the seeing of another opinion is only going to help
people who would understand in
the first place
but when are you on the edge unless you can
count the time when
you didn’t even know the last
class you ever took was
yet here we are
looking across a battle
that even the trying
can not define
and a job to do
is a job to do…

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