internal adjustment

Posted on May 4, 2019 by jaybeasley2
it isnt a problem with you, it is with me, and
nobody wanted me around for long anyway,
the good will i spread around
even came back every once in a while,
returning things borrowed is something done to me
not nearly as often as i am the one doing it,
and i say thank you a thousand times before you’re welcome,
located my awareness after years of regret,
across the heat my body is dragged,
drowning in a steam made from emotion supressed,
jump out of my chair to get out as fast as i can,
unless i make changes i might just as well die here,
stagnant life has never been a close friend of mine,
torn between the ice and the shape my life is becoming,
must not forget the concentration my mind values,
eventually we all get horizontal,
not a day goes by
that i do not value you
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portray selections

Posted on May 1, 2019 by jaybeasley2
permanent as a slap
on the wrist is the deserved punishment for this
rewards for misbehaving
take turns arriving on your doorstep
ready and waiting for the next dance
after the destruction of tonights motivation like
yesterday’s running away or even
some part of this morning’s headache
enveloping the mood of a terrible occasion
like a young kid bad at open communication
eventually showing how tough the spirit is
culminating in the real development of hardness of mind
that can now be shown to the entire world and
i am thankful that i am the one
offering a culmination of converging agents and
now i know i will never stop again unless
someone puts an arrow through my heart
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display deconstruction

Posted on April 30, 2019 by jaybeasley2
daring the year to become
increasing in challenges and ideas,
something rising up in the theme of
pain and discomfort and slowly begins gathering
lean momentum trained in the fire of last winter,
allowing the temptation of knowledgeable words
yearning to be set free from the
discipline of time and the prison of silence,
expressions conveyed like
coming outside like a violent hailstorm or
only showing care for someone because you worry,
not thinking about it too hard like
someone who only gives people attention
that seeks them out in the first place
really speaks out about an incredible level of selfishness,
untill i explained it i was not sure that
calling someone out would make anything better,
the agony was there but not inquired about,
in time the clock will really be seen ticking
on the edge like a river moments from overflowing,
now is definitely always the time
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wasted inspiration

Posted on April 28, 2019 by jaybeasley2
when I accepted the last and
accomplished my task i was not
set up to complete the final days
that were set up before me any longer
each direction was not the same way in
days long ago where i started from and
indications of the compulsory wishes that
now seemed so far away and long gone
selecting the absolute best path to be
prepared for
included in the only messages left to display
reaching into the back of your brain and
attempting to recall
the last time it was that important to anyone
it was because there was
only so much time before i was gone and
now i am
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facets

Posted on April 27, 2019 by jaybeasley2
during the breaking of the morning
it became apparent
that something had changed
in the way an entire observation
of the happenings which are filtered
into our corner existence
are now each with thier own meaning
and an underlying current
like a seasonal whisper in the air
revealing how each occurence in life
has its own independent inner denotation
which can be a significance all on its own
and everything has a distinct psychological implication
to reveal to you
when you are able to concieve it
and a distinct spiritual meaning
that you can contact once you know
that it exists
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downtown romance

Posted on April 25, 2019 by jaybeasley2
don’t remember how we met
or even what state we might have been in
we could have been in a train or maybe a store
not likely we were in a bar unless it was a holiday
the outfit i was wearing is the same one i always have on
only your eyes lighting up when we met not your clothes
was it a monday morning or a friday night i don’t know
now that i think i do know your hair was up
rings on every one of your fingers except one
off behind you somewhere there was a plant
must have handed my attention over completely
as those first words come out of your mouth
never felt so elevated just by a simple conversation
could not possibly have dreamed where this future leads
every day and night just seems more close
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insane worry again

Posted on April 23, 2019 by jaybeasley2
in the thunderstorm rhythm so hard to ignore
needles and pins running down my spine
silver stars blocking portions of vision
accepting the fact i am meant to ache
number of times i attempt to make it stop is large
equal to the racing heartbeat i dwell under
while each five minutes seems to take forever
only the dryness of my mouth doesn’t last
recovering just in time to sweat back into pain
refractions of reality through the impact of
yearning to feel something besides this again
after all that has happened i just hope to
get a few pleasant hours before i fade off once more
and i can sense myself phasing out of existence
if i can somehow keep the vision of you in my mind
none of this hurt is as bad
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artistic responce

Posted on April 21, 2019 by jaybeasley2
and on top of it all you never stop when
ready, you just keep on going and
taking on each new day, chugging along
in the best way you ever have had,
sometimes its easier and sometimes you feel
torn up, old and creaky like your grandad,
increase the effort that you got deep inside,
coming out when you push the pedal down,
right when time gears up and starts brewing
explicit passion like a river always flowing,
stop thinking that time is really slowing,
pop up out of the old ways and join us in the future,
offer up a new sacrifice to the impending altar,
nevermind the keeping up of appearances,
confirm the end result and allow
each moment we share to glow through
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question cliff

Posted on April 19, 2019 by jaybeasley2
refined in the heat of a cold hard
summer and ready at the turn and
made into the steel of a winter resolve yet a
determined last story before heading out on the
trail to find where a desolate edge of rock
can be used to make a home and the leaving
of all society and its underpinnings will not be
forgotten when a doorway to the need of a
mind’s escape has become the only
vacation to be hoping for and a long bout of
quiet will become the most desired communication
yet not one set of delivery on arrival will let
the sun shine in as much as actually opening
your very own door and getting back to the
very same stage that you know you
were at before
open the curtain
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excellent desire

Posted on April 18, 2019 by jaybeasley2
except for when i am asleep
xylophone playing on my teeth
can’t even open my eyes sometimes
evenly the pressure building in my skull
lifting those worries about myself which
let me increase the accuracy of my thinking
ended all the doubt that last year compiled
nevermind these collected choices in question
this future now requires my total concentration
daring as i can stand to be
error on the side of caution each day
so i can get out of the world inside my brain
if i use all the tools at my disposal
ready for the universal truths in tonight’s sky
every time the moon wanders in
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