insane worry again

Posted on April 23, 2019 by jaybeasley2
in the thunderstorm rhythm so hard to ignore
needles and pins running down my spine
silver stars blocking portions of vision
accepting the fact i am meant to ache
number of times i attempt to make it stop is large
equal to the racing heartbeat i dwell under
while each five minutes seems to take forever
only the dryness of my mouth doesn’t last
recovering just in time to sweat back into pain
refractions of reality through the impact of
yearning to feel something besides this again
after all that has happened i just hope to
get a few pleasant hours before i fade off once more
and i can sense myself phasing out of existence
if i can somehow keep the vision of you in my mind
none of this hurt is as bad
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artistic responce

Posted on April 21, 2019 by jaybeasley2
and on top of it all you never stop when
ready, you just keep on going and
taking on each new day, chugging along
in the best way you ever have had,
sometimes its easier and sometimes you feel
torn up, old and creaky like your grandad,
increase the effort that you got deep inside,
coming out when you push the pedal down,
right when time gears up and starts brewing
explicit passion like a river always flowing,
stop thinking that time is really slowing,
pop up out of the old ways and join us in the future,
offer up a new sacrifice to the impending altar,
nevermind the keeping up of appearances,
confirm the end result and allow
each moment we share to glow through
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question cliff

Posted on April 19, 2019 by jaybeasley2
refined in the heat of a cold hard
summer and ready at the turn and
made into the steel of a winter resolve yet a
determined last story before heading out on the
trail to find where a desolate edge of rock
can be used to make a home and the leaving
of all society and its underpinnings will not be
forgotten when a doorway to the need of a
mind’s escape has become the only
vacation to be hoping for and a long bout of
quiet will become the most desired communication
yet not one set of delivery on arrival will let
the sun shine in as much as actually opening
your very own door and getting back to the
very same stage that you know you
were at before
open the curtain
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excellent desire

Posted on April 18, 2019 by jaybeasley2
except for when i am asleep
xylophone playing on my teeth
can’t even open my eyes sometimes
evenly the pressure building in my skull
lifting those worries about myself which
let me increase the accuracy of my thinking
ended all the doubt that last year compiled
nevermind these collected choices in question
this future now requires my total concentration
daring as i can stand to be
error on the side of caution each day
so i can get out of the world inside my brain
if i use all the tools at my disposal
ready for the universal truths in tonight’s sky
every time the moon wanders in
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story playing

Posted on April 16, 2019 by jaybeasley2
sitting so stale and breaking out
of no mold but comfortable in the same
actions every day and repeated all
through the night like a movie set on repeat
which starts over again and again and has no
positive impact of a place to come from across
the hours you wonder where all the time
went and then the weeks and then the months
and nothing new was tried so there is no
song which means this right now and there is no
story which can complete the scene and there is
no painting which can show the colors that
you mean and no dance which can show the
place that you are coming from so the
next chapter of the book may never
even arrive
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three year afternoon

Posted on April 14, 2019 by jaybeasley2
while the time winds down each
hour has its own way of
sliding among the shallow wind of our
shared histories and plays that were
running across all of the broad brushstrokes
of our times and collecting those hidden
personal experiences that have tumbled along the
edge of this decade’s riverbed while the
changes riding in the storm have never left the
mountaintop of irresistable momentum and each
shocking new headline has lost whatever
surprise had been attempting to brew within itself
after all of our society has brought its
thick skin and disinterest back from another yearly
broadcasters attempt at staying relevent as
the days all blend together when every new
shock rolls on the heels of last week’s nightmare
yet the registering of trauma that fast is what
we are steadily becoming numb to
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song for attempted letters

Posted on April 13, 2019 by jaybeasley2
as the words pour out of me like water,
this is the takeaway from our night where
third time is the charm as they say,
empathy to all those beings around anyways,
make a nightmare go away with numbness,
play your part and do not show your cards, miss,
terminate the terror that contacts you again,
especially if that means dancing with your ghosts,
digits on paper are devoid of meaning,
let those who want to escape their  life do so,
ended last year on a good note,
tough as bricks when the big storm hits,
there are only so many options at the end of day,
eventually where we end up is where we play,
really want to know how to make it always right now,
so mix up in a brew a good portion of me and a whole lotta you
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prepared evening

Posted on April 12, 2019 by jaybeasley2
permanent and hidden and frozen
right down inside the valley of
evenings we are lucky enough to hide away in
picking the exact few hours to believe
and the unseen forces were always there
ready times are preparing for the future and
energies have been constantly gathering
drawing out those who can feel change in the air
evidence of the awareness we all share
vital components which convey awareness and understanding
even the venom in a smile becomes obvious
not being confined or rewarded ever
in the culminating stage of development
nights like these have their own aesthetic pace
growing into the trance of a candle glow
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shadow

Posted on April 7, 2019 by jaybeasley2
sure would be as unusual as
possible to have received
the kind of treatment
that happened and when you ask
that the ones close to you
have been able to be there for you
but in an unusual fashion
the way that they disappeared
was only so far from what was
you were always told should happen
and if
you can heal
but the hurt
the pain
the feel
the fight
and a wonder
a worry
and i do not want to die
unless i am in a place that
does not even know where i am
coming from
or my name
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wintery displays

Posted on April 6, 2019 by jaybeasley2
wishing the placement of frost
is keeping us inside
near the heat of a blanket and
tasting a long summer smoked turkey soup
each hour like its very own national holiday
raising up just long enough to refill
your cup or update where the next nap begins
dedicated to giving you every last wish
insuring you do not have to do anything if you don’t want to
settling in to your own little comfy curl up spot
put your feet up and show your nifty socks
let the time stretch out like your ice cream snack
and have those yawns of afternoon be shared
you are here for me and i am here for you
staying here forever is my dream
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